I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks - BLOODHOUND GANG
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant Ill have the poo-poo platter My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass I said guys Im like you I like Monster Trucks too Wanna see how many push-ups I can do? I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that dont dig Chicks that dont dig guys like me See Im not queer Im too ugly But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony Maybe its a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry Scoring with a super model would be easy Cause super model means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with super dumb Ya see Id be a good listener so shed treat me like a sister and soon Id become That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair No it wouldnt be a week before Im in her underwear I wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that dont dig Chicks that dont dig guys like me See Im not queer Im too ugly Doesnt matter what Im packin in my denim its whats in my genes The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean See Im not to keen on the smell of Vaseline No Im not Princess Di and I dont wanna be a queen I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Anyway if I were gay Id have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis Hang out with my moms hair stylist his name is Kip hes got a lisp he talks like this And wear my mothers lingerie learn the songs of Broadway And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet I wish I was queer so I could get chicks Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that dont dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that dont dig Chicks dig guys that are Queer guys that dont dig Chicks that dont dig guys like me See Im not queer Im too ugly And I dont shave my heiny Dont shave my heiny See Im not queer Im too ugly
